When my son was first diagnosed, I was given a few therapeutic directions: ABA, Speech, and OT. But no one told me how we could actually do the therapy. To be honest, I didn’t really know what the next steps were—whether he could still go to preschool, whether I’d need to drive him to multiple therapy centers, or how I was supposed to balance it all.

All I knew was that I felt an immense urgency to get him the right support as quickly as possible.

So, I began making calls—27 different ABA centers, to be exact. At the time, I didn’t know to ask about how therapy would be delivered or what different environments might offer. I was just looking for the right place with the right people—somewhere that felt safe and nurturing for him.

Eventually, one center stood out. I wasn’t sure exactly what it was—maybe the staff, maybe the atmosphere—but it just felt right. And so, we jumped in.

Looking back now—hindsight is always clearer—I wish I had understood a few things about ABA therapy before we even started. If you’re just starting out on this journey, here’s what I wish someone had told me.

1. There’s More Than One Way to Do ABA Therapy

At the time, I thought ABA just meant going to a center. I didn’t realize there were different ways it could be delivered—each with its own benefits and challenges.

In-Home ABA Therapy: A therapist comes to your home and helps your child build skills in the comfort of their own space.
In-Community ABA Therapy: Therapy happens in real-world places—like parks, stores, or restaurants—so your child can practice social skills and safety where it really matters.
In-School ABA Therapy: Support that happens at your child’s school, either directly from an RBT or through collaboration with teachers. (In Georgia, ABA isn’t usually allowed in public schools, but many private schools are open to this support! If you’re curious, feel free to reach out—I’m happy to share what I know.)
In-Center ABA Therapy: A clinic-based program with structured routines, trained professionals, and opportunities for peer interactions. The best centers focus on naturalistic skill-building and school readiness. For example, Jake’s center has daily circle time and a mix of 1:1 and group learning. The only downside? It can feel a bit contrived for social skill building—so it’s important to find a provider who also supports practicing in real-world settings.

2. Full-Time ABA Looks Different for Every Child

One thing I didn’t understand at the start is that full-time ABA doesn’t look the same for every child. For some, it might mean 10 hours a week; for others, it could be 35+.

When Jake was two, he was recommended for 35+ hours of ABA. But for us, that felt like too much for such a young child. We advocated for fewer hours, wanting him to grow into it slowly.

If your ABA provider pushes you into more hours than you’re comfortable with—especially if they’re not open to listening or adjusting—that’s a red flag. You’re allowed to ask questions. You’re allowed to advocate for what feels best for your child and your family.

3. Therapy Needs Change—And It’s Okay to Pivot

Another thing I wish I’d known sooner: it’s okay to re-evaluate, pivot, and even change providers as your child grows.

Jake started in a center-based program, and it was wonderful for those early years. But as he grew, I realized he needed more opportunities to generalize skills outside the clinic. We tried a private pre-K program with push-in ABA support. It was a fantastic school, but ultimately, it wasn’t the right fit. We weren’t seeing the language growth we’d hoped for, so we pivoted again—back to a center-based program that worked better for him at that time.

Part of me wishes he could have been in the same place the entire time, seamlessly moving from early intervention to school-based supports. I even wish he could have started in daycare with an RBT by his side, learning academic and social skills from the start. But what I know now is that children’s needs evolve. The right environment for them changes as they grow.

One thing I’ve learned? I used to pivot too quickly because I worried he was stagnating or regressing—when really, it was just part of his natural, asynchronous development. Now, I know to pause, reflect, and move more intentionally.

If you want to read more about pivoting, progress, and how to advocate for a neuroaffirming approach, I wrote about that here:
👉 Parenting with Purpose: A Neurodiversity-Affirming Approach to Advocacy, ABA Therapy, & More

4. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask Questions

In those early days, I didn’t know what to ask—I just wanted him to be somewhere safe and supportive.

Here’s what I’ve learned to ask:

What’s your approach to generalizing skills?
How do you decide whether therapy should happen at home, in the community, or in a center?
Will you allow outside providers—like Speech, OT, or PT—to push in and support my child? (Some of the best places see the value in collaboration and creating a holistic team around the child.)
How do you help kids transition as they grow or when goals change?
How many cases does a BCBA typically oversee here? How often are RBTs supervised, and how is that done? (This can have a huge impact on your child’s progress and the quality of care!)

The more I learned to ask these questions, the better I felt about our choices. If you’re just beginning to navigate these conversations, you might find this post helpful:
👉 Neuroaffirming Care After an Autism Diagnosis: What to Ask, What to Avoid, and Why It Matters

5. “Green Flags” in ABA Providers

Over time, I’ve learned to look for these green flags when evaluating an ABA program:
✅ Naturalistic, play-based, child-led approaches
✅ A focus on fun, flexibility, and adapting to the child’s needs
✅ A progressive, neuroaffirming mindset (not compliance-first!)
✅ A BCBA who collaborates with other professionals and values different modalities
✅ An environment that encourages autonomy, independence, and skill-building through connection—not just compliance
✅ A physical space that’s warm, welcoming, and maybe even has an outdoor play area

I have a whole post dedicated to what makes a program truly neuroaffirming—check it out here:
👉 Green Flags to Look for in an ABA Provider

My Initial Hesitation and Why We Chose ABA

I want to be honest: I was hesitant to do ABA. I knew the controversy and the fears about old-school, compliance-heavy practices. I wanted to make sure any program I chose for Jake was truly child-centered, playful, and focused on real-life growth—not just “fixing” behaviors.

I even explored other options first. I had calls with Floortime OTs to see if they could provide therapy for Jake. But I also knew that 30 minutes, one day a week wasn’t going to help him learn not to elope, or build the foundational skills he needed to thrive in daily life.

For our family, ABA has been essential—a lifeline and a tool to help Jake build autonomy, independence, and the real-world skills he needs to feel safe and confident. But I also know that ABA is not the right fit for every family or every child.

If you’re curious about how we made our decision, I wrote more about that here:
👉 Why We Chose ABA

Final Reflection

Today, Jake is back in a center-based program full-time, and it’s been the best decision for us in this season. The structure, routine, and individualized support have helped him continue to grow. But I know this journey will keep changing as he does.

The most important sign for me? He’s happy and regulated. I know he’s doing well because he’s engaged, joyful, and building real, meaningful relationships—connection over compliance.

And now that I’m so involved in this world, I know of so many more places and providers than I ever did when I started. I’m so delighted to be able to share that with you—whether it’s through this blog, a quick chat, or simply helping you feel less alone in this process.

If I could tell my past self one thing, it would be this:

You’re not failing if you have to switch things up. You’re not behind if you don’t have all the answers right now. What matters most is that you’re showing up, asking questions, and staying open to what your child needs—no matter what that looks like.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by these decisions, I’d love to help. At Oak & Hive Consulting, I offer free 30-minute consultations where we can talk through these options and what might be the best fit for your family.

Because at the end of the day, this isn’t just about therapy—it’s about building a life where your child can learn, grow, and feel supported every step of the way.

ps: stay tuned: I’m working on a free resource—a Neuroaffirming ABA Rubric—that I’ll be sharing in my next newsletter. It’s something I wish I’d had from the start—an easy way to help you feel more confident in choosing a program that truly fits your child.

If you’d like to be the first to receive it, I’d love to have you join our community.

What I Wish I Knew About ABA From the Start: 5 Lessons From My Journey